  Aunt
Runner's Letter to Santa Dear Santa:
I've been a good girl all year.
I've cooked for, looked for,  and never gave up on
or lost faith in my two adolescent/teenage sons for a whole year.
I've spent enough money at the grocery store to pay off the national debt.
Sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant
a $20 shade tree on the school grounds and figured out how to 'sew' nine patches onto my sons letter jacket
with staples and a glue gun.
All this plus I also carry 18 hours at the local university.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with
my eye liner pencil on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, who knows when I'll find
anymore free time in the next few years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of running from class to class (any color except pale
white, which I already have) and a hairdo that doesn't turn into something that would make Broom Hilda
proud in this Oklahoma wind.I could also use something on
the line of an industrial strength bra that doesn't make my back ache at the end of the day. And please
Santa; don't bring me anything that resembles PokeMon.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with a built in vacuum cleaner that inhales
french fries as they're dropped onto the floorboard.
I could also use a stun gun mounted on the hood for those thoughtless souls who get in my way on weekdays
when I'm trying to get one son to his saxophone lesson, the other one to his football practice and still
make it to my evening class on time, all in a 15 minute time frame.I'd like a radio that doesn't play
any kind of music sung by girls with names that sound like stuff you put in a fruit cake; and a refrigerator
with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking son doll that says, "Yes, Ma'am!" to boost my parental
confidence, along with two kids who don't fight  , and a
sign for the front door that says:.
Thank you for leaving the door wide open..as a matter of fact we ARE trying to heat/cool Oklahoma! I could
also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, "Don't eat in the living room" and 'Take your
hands off your brother' because my voice seems to be just out of my son's hearing range and can only be
heard by the dog.
And please don't forget the spring-loaded toilet seat..the hottest stocking stuffer this year for mothers
of teen age boys. It comes in pastel pink and is guaranteed to give any member of the male gender as much
of a shock as I experienced early this morning when I thought I was falling to China...
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for a couple of magic fairies that joyfully
place toilet paper on its roller... or the luxury of eating
one meal without the telephone ringing. If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear
my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my sons to help around the house without
demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.
Well Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think
he needs another patch 'sewn' on his letter jacket. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots
by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on
the table,  but don't eat too many or get any crumbs
on the carpet.
Yours Always,
Aunt Runner
PS-- One more thing...you can cancel all my requests ifyou can let my sons be young enough to believe
in Santa just one more time.{{{{HUGS}}}}
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